It’s Time to Stop Blaming Feminism
Here’s my hot take on the issue of feminism as it pertains to the culture wars. It’s time to stop blaming feminism for all of society’s ills. It’s getting really victim-y and hypocritical. What am I talking about? Allow me to explain.
The Right’s Perpetual Scapegoat
If you follow any political or cultural commentators from the conservative/right side of the political aisle, you will have noticed over the past several years that they blame feminism for almost everything.
Too many single mothers?
Blame feminism!
Too many divorces?
Blame feminism!
Men suffering from a crisis of meaning?
Blame feminism!
Too much DEI in corporate offices?
Blame feminism!
It never ends.
So why does the “Right” do this? Why has feminism caused so many problems according to them?
There is usually one main reason provided: feminism lied to women.
Feminism, especially third wave feminism, stands accused by the Right of lying to generations of women and consequently destroying their lives. Feminism lied to women when it promised that women don’t need men at all; that women should all be #girlbosses; that housework and childrearing are beneath women; that women should put careers above family and children. This last point is especially key.
And not only that, the Right says, but there are also two unfortunate consequences to this pernicious lie:
- Many women, especially Millennials, are now re-evaluating their lives too late. Many women now in their mid- to late thirties have realized that, yes, they do actually want children, but they fear they’ve missed the boat. They’ve spent their prime years cultivating a career rather than a family, and now regret that decision. This is the fault of the “feminist marketing machine.”
- It’s impossible to find a good, chaste woman because feminism has brainwashed them all into a bunch of ho’s. Feminism, and the sexual revolution, have turned all the women into promiscuous beings with no morals. Women are not to be trusted. This is also the fault of the “feminist marketing machine.”
Well, it seems to me, that it’s time to stop blaming feminism.
I’m not suggesting that this blame is entirely misplaced. Analyzing feminism’s effects on society is a topic for another article that I am probably unqualified to write. What I am saying is that it’s time to stop playing the blame game and move on to a more positive message. Here are two reasons why.
Blaming Feminism Is Playing the Victim
The Right is all about personal responsibility. Nobody else is to blame for your problems. You gotta pick yourself up by your bootstraps and work hard to get the life you want. So, I find it interesting that many conservatives seem to get caught up in playing the victim on this one.
Now, there are two camps of conservatives that I’ve noticed when it comes to this issue. The first are those conservatives who spend a lot of air time harping on feminism, but who also spend an equal amount of air time promoting marriage, femininity, and children as net goods. This is a good thing. Yes, they’re playing the blame game, but at least they’re putting in a concerted effort towards promoting a positive solution. The Daily Wire is a good example of this.
The second camp of conservatives are, by all accounts, the actual “Far Right.” There are certain commentators out there, whom I shall not name because I am so incensed by their attitude that I don’t want to give them any more air time than they already steal, who promote an extremely negative view of women. And they feel justified in that view “because feminism.” I’m talking about the remote regions of the Right, where you will find both men and women arguing for the abolition of women’s suffrage. (Yes, this is a thing.) It’s completely insane.
These are the people who argue that men should not get married at all. It’s too risky for them. Women are completely nuts and will simply divorce you the first chance they get, taking all your money and the children too.
What kind of a message is that to send to men? To women?
Especially young men who, yes, are suffering a crisis of meaning. Is that really the best thing to say to someone who is looking for something to animate his life? Don’t get married. Don’t have kids. Feminism has ruined women. You’ll never be able to find a good woman who isn’t a slutty single mother with five kids, so you might as well just give up now.
I mean, WTF?
It’s truly toxic.
This attitude breeds helplessness and misogyny. If you keep blaming a certain something for a certain set of problems, then people are going to come to hate that certain something. And they’re going to feel helpless in counteracting it. If you keep blaming feminism for society’s ills, over and over and over again, then people are going to come to hate women as the cause of those ills.
It’s Yoda’s famous line: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.
Blaming Feminism Is Hypocritical
The second reason I believe the feminism blame game needs to stop is because it’s hypocritical. Most people on the Right, all along the spectrum of the Right, believe that DEI and anti-racism rhetoric is complete garbage. How can you blame current racial disparities on slavery? Slavery ended more than 150 years ago!
I think you see where I’m going with this.
But Andrea, third wave feminism started in the 1990’s according to Wikipedia! Okay, then what is the appropriate amount of time, in years, that we are allowed to blame a past event for a current problem?
The 1990’s began 34 years ago. Are we justified in blaming current problems on a movement that began 34 years ago? And not just to blame it once, to diagnose the problem, as it were. But to keep blaming it over and over and over again. One hundred fifty years is no longer justifiable in terms of blame, but 34 years is?
I understand the temptation, I really do. Thirty years is one generation, sure. I get it. But the question remains: when’s the cut off? Two generations? Three? Four? Five? It’s arbitrary. And many who blame feminism don’t just blame third wave feminism, they blame feminism going back to the 50’s and 60’s. That was more than 60 years ago!
When is the cut off??
Either we can continue to blame past events for current problems, or we can’t. We can’t have both.
Conclusion
So those are my thoughts on this issue. It’s silly and harmful (a favourite term of the Left!) to continue to blame feminism for modern ills because that blame turns into hate and promotes a victim mentality. And it’s hypocritical. If the Right is going to argue that the Left can’t keep blaming past events for current problems, then it can’t turn around and do the same thing!
If you really want to help people (which I seriously doubt is what the Far Right grifters are trying to do), then once you’ve diagnosed the problem, or think you’ve diagnosed the problem, it’s time to move on to the solution. But if you keep putting all your focus on the problem, you’re going to get stuck there. And you’ll make yourself completely miserable.
So that’s my hot take!
Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Further Reading
For my thoughts on the daily commentary/news cycle, and how it can also breed unhealthy discourse, read my article How to Radicalize Yourself in Two Easy Steps.
January 21, 2025 @ 9:01 am
Stop blaming men for everything. Learn some nuance, learn about men you always ignore because they’re not hot or exciting, and stop f****** making everything worse you god damn narcissistic f****** children.
January 21, 2025 @ 11:08 pm
Well, it’s happened! My first angry comment! I must have done something right! To be honest, I didn’t think I’d receive my first angry, expletive-filled comment for this particular post, but beggars can’t be choosers, so here we are.
As a side note, I did edit the swearing in the comment, replacing the F word with asterisks, but other than that I left the comment intact.
In the future, I won’t be approving, or replying to, such angry, swear-filled comments, but I made an exception for this one since it’s my first. More seriously, though, I think it’s instructive to respond given the subject matter. There are a few points I’d like to make about this comment.
As a second side note, I have no idea if this comment was left by a real person or a bot, but I’m responding as if it were left by a real person. I’m also not convinced this person read the entire post, but, again, here we are. On to my points.
First Point: The commenter starts off with the assertion that I should stop blaming men for everything. Let’s start there. I think it’s interesting that the commenter assumes that if we stop blaming feminism (my position), then that means we are necessarily blaming men. This is pretty black and white thinking and not nuanced at all. (More on nuance later.) This seems to be what he (I think it’s safe to assume the commenter is a he) is asserting.
This is interesting because nowhere in my post do I blame men for “everything.” My post is about how we should stop blaming feminism, full stop. In fact, I stated: “I’m not suggesting that this blame is entirely misplaced,” and I stated: “I’m talking about the remote regions of the Right, where you will find both men and women arguing for the abolition of women’s suffrage.” So had the commenter actually read the post in full, he would have seen that I’m not just “blaming men for everything.” Unfortunately, the Far Right* grift is a grift engaged in by both men and women. More on that later.
Moreover, I don’t at all believe that men are “to blame for everything.” In fact, I firmly believe that any idea or ideology that seeks to divide men from women should be swiftly consigned to the trash bin of history. This is why I made the argument that the blame game needs to end and a positive message regarding men/women needs to be promoted instead.
Second Point: Next, the commenter says that I need to learn some nuance. This is kind of hilarious considering the fact that he clearly did not read or think about what I wrote in my post at all. This one speaks for itself.
Third Point: Then the commenter says that I need to learn about the men I always ignore because they’re not hot or exciting. This is a pretty wild claim to make given that the commenter doesn’t know me at all. So how could he possibly know how I treat the men around me? (Of course, the commenter could be someone I know in real life, I have no idea, since he didn’t give his real name. But I don’t think I know him, because if he is someone I know in real life, then he certainly would not have left me such a comment. The men I know are stand up guys on the whole.)
But back to the point. The commenter was saying that I need to learn some nuance and learn about the men I ignore because they’re not hot or exciting. Unfortunately, I think this says more about the commenter than about me. I think it’s safe to assume that he himself feels that he has been ignored by women, and that the reason is because he’s not hot or exciting. Well, on this point, all I can say is that it’s really crappy to be rejected and judged, especially on our looks. We’ve all been there, and it’s not fun.
Unfortunately, there are people out there who see others as a means to an end rather than as an end in themselves. I have also been on the receiving end of hateful comments about my looks and body. One in particular so hurtful and spiteful that I swore to myself I would never repeat it. (That one is going with me to the grave.) My point is simply that we’ve all been made to feel less than at some point. And that always sucks. Clearly, the commenter has experienced this as well, and that sucks.
The only solution is to develop your self-esteem so that negative comments or rejections don’t bother you (or bother you so much). There are many ways to do that, but that’s the subject of another post and/or reply.
Fourth Point: Next, the commenter says that I should stop making everything worse, and that I am a narcissistic child, seemingly for sharing my opinion on the feminism blame game. On this point, I think comments like the commenters actually make things worse, because they illustrate the exact anger and hateful nature of this particular culture war topic that I was arguing needs to stop.
Men and women need each other. Full stop. Toxic masculinity is bad. Toxic femininity is also bad. I would encourage the commenter, and anyone else who has made it to the bottom of this reply, to re-think any narrative or messaging you’ve heard that places “the blame” squarely on one “side” or another. And not just in this matter, but on other subjects as well. Anyone making those kinds of generalizations is a grifter with an agenda. They do not have your best interest at heart.
Anyhoo, that’s about all the time I’m willing to spend on this. I have no idea if the commenter will receive a notification that I’ve replied to his comment. I think he will, but I’m also fairly certain the e-mail he used is fake, so who knows.
If you’ve read to the end of this reply, thank you! And I sure hope the commenter looks into re-arranging his bed in his room, since he clearly woke up on the wrong side of it this morning!
*I know I just ended this reply by saying that anyone making generalizations about a “side” has an agenda, and that earlier I used the term Far Right, which might be seen as making just such a generalization. To be clear, I’m not talking about people who are religiously or politically conservative. I’m talking very specifically about the (hopefully) small group of people, very vocal on social media, who argue that women should not have the vote, or that men shouldn’t even try to get married because there are no good women out there. People who espouse this divisive view, and promote it on social media, are grifters.